lately things are blurting out of my mouth without much thought - also new to me.
for example - grandma keeps asking the 10 year old if she has to go to the bathroom. 10 year old keeps saying "no", so grandma turns to me and says "don't you think she should go to the bathroom?" my reply...." if i have to worry about whether or not a 10 year old knows when she has to go to the bathroom i'll just put a diaper on her and be done with it!"
another example - 10 year old and grandma are fighting, both yelling. 10 year old runs to me saying "grandma says i'm yelling at her, but she's the one yelling at me..." my reply...."i'm about ready to yell at all three of you" (including her father).
i blew up the other night, maybe with a bit of progress. 10 year old wouldn't go to bed, father banged his head on a cupboard, got frustrated and yelled at the 10 year old. he then spent 10 minutes apologizing to her for yelling. my reply "WTF?!?! she's the one who owes you the apology - - -she was supposed to have been in bed 20 minutes ago!"
my kids ask why this 10 year old doesn't have to behave, why can she be rude, why can grandma be a nag, etc.
i blew up. 8 more years of summers doing this, 1/6 of my life being angry and irritable and losing admiration for my partner - it's got to change or there won't be a next year.
i told him this. then got upset at myself for being so angry about it. however, i do believe he should be informed on the matter so he knows exactly where i stand on the matter.
one bright spot - he heard what i said, and really is trying to be a better father - setting boundaries while being loving. much better than no boundaries and being upset at being violated and taken advantage of.
that's the one thing that really drew me to him - he's not scared to try something he's never tried before.