Mom (moving_on) wrote,


just in case anyone has considered antidepressants, i wish to offer a word of encouragement. i struggled with the thought of taking them for about 2 years. when it got bad enough a couple of months ago that i was considering quitting my job and ending my relationship, and i was angry and cynical all the time, and i had resigned from my responsibilities at church, i started to doubt that my life would ever be happy again. i've now been on zoloft for about 7 weeks, and all i can say is "what a difference." colors are brighter, i'm laughing at jokes, i'm more relaxed, i'm happier, and the little things that used to eat away at me no longer bother me. i break out singing at odd moments - and i'm feeling much younger and happier, almost bubbly. at the same time, i don't think that my personality is any different - i am still "me." i'm back to the "me" i was several years ago. sure, people still do things that irritate me, but i don't become consumed by it, i can let the little things go now. i still haven't told my family about it - so i know there's shame in using antidepressants, but i just wanted to say that i'm glad i talked to my doctor about it.
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Good for you! I wouldn't worry about your family, thogh. The stigma that used to be associated with taking antidepressants seems to me to have greatly reduced. Heck, I know so many people on them now that it almost seems the "norm"! Just remember, if and when you feel you want to stop, you MUST be weaned off slowly. Do NOT think this is something you can do alone, cold turkey. My two friends who tried it that way ended up in terrible emotional messes.
I can understand why ypu keeping quiet about this.
Of course, drugs are not the cure, just the crutch.
And while you feel better and this can temporarily assist with life's stresses and pressures, it can only last so long. Eventually, the depression returns and the dosages must increase. Unless you can start to fight the real cause.
Like the other comment says, coming off takes a lot of work.
Addressing the real issues is better. And this is easier done by getting away for a week.
If you feel better, you put off the inevitable.
There are handy tools you can use to explore your inner mind and ascertain your real desires. Once you know, then you can start to address them. If you already know, then you know how hard it is to reorganise your life to please your self.
Is it possible that you are trying to please others rather than your self ?

Found your diary via the 'Broken Vows" community. I'm currently separated (but living together) and trying to bring myself to file for divorce. Was looking for other diarists who can 'relate.' I put you on my friends list so I can come back and read more of your diary.

take care :)